the eerie quiet...the change

When I went up to bed last night, the house was quiet and I noticed right away how still it felt.  The window was open in our room, the first time since spring arrived and I could smell the fresh, crisp air.  My attention was immediately drawn to the still life that was just outside, as if we’d just hit pause on the entire world.

What happened to all the moving and rushing and wanting to be someplace other than where we are?

I sat on my bed embracing the moment.  The eerie quiet, the change.  Suddenly I had an overwhelming sense of the world. 

When I looked outside, it was like starring at a blank canvas just waiting for the first stroke.  Anything and everything I’d worked so hard to create and bring to life before was now back to ground zero, square one, a new beginning, clean slate, blank page.  Starring at a blank page scares the crap out of me.  What if I mess up, what if it’s not good enough, what if I don’t know what to do?  What if I am scared?

Everything I thought I was dreaming of and working towards has suddenly taken a turn and I am not sure which road to follow.  It’s like I am standing on a ledge being forced to jump before I am ready.

We are built to resist change, we are routine and habit-forming humans.  We love things to be the same and predictable and safe.  What was once known is now unknown, promised before is no longer a guarantee of anything.

We are isolated in all ways, alone with thoughts and ideas and worries …so many things out of our control.  What does this mean to me?  If I brace for impact maybe it won’t get me so hard.  I will be ready, armor on, guard up, guns a blazing…try me…dukes up.  And the fight comes out in full force.

But being isolated and being quiet are two different things.  Maybe the invitation into the quiet is actually a peace offering.  An offer to embrace the moments and just be still, without the fight you’ve so come to know.

We are standing on the edge together, we are standing at that fork in the road, you are not alone. You are sitting before this canvas with an opportunity to create a future that you want to be a part of.  And while it will be different and uncomfortable that doesn’t mean it can’t be beautiful.  Because you are beautiful.  And you were born to create.  Just make one small move, make it colorful, do it with love.  The world will follow.